Death and Grieving

Taken from Living With Grief by Joyce D. Davidson and Kenneth J. Doka What is Grief? Grief is a reaction to loss. Any loss can cause grief reactions including divorces, separations, or other losses of relationships. How is Grief Experienced? Grief is experienced many ways - physically, emotionally, cognitively, and behaviorally. Each person will experience grief in his or her own distinct way. Physical Symptoms - Pain, headaches, fatigue, lethargy and others. Emotionally - These may range from sadness, anger, guilt, jealousy, fear, anxiety, longing and even relief. Cognitively - people may find it difficult to concentrate or focus. They may constantly think about the person who died, recurring memories, or aspects of their illness or death. Behaviorally - Some students may avoid reminders of the loss, while others may seek such reminders. Grieving individuals may seem irritable or withdrawn. Some may constantly seek out activity as a diversion from pain. Do Young Children Grieve? Certainly, but children may grieve in ways different from adults. Younger children may not understand death. They may be too young to realize fully what death actually means. They often have a "short feeling span" meaning that they only can sustain strong emotions for short periods of time. Grieving children may have emotional outbursts that are followed by seemingly normal activity. This does not mean that children have recovered quickly from the loss. Acting out, sleep disturbances such as nightmares, waking up or bedwetting, and regressive behaviors may all be sign of grief. How Long Does Grief Take? As long as it needs. Again, every loss and every individual is different. In significant relationships grief tends to be most intense for the first two or so years. After that the roller coaster tends to lesson. While persons still experience lows, perhaps even several years after a loss, they tend to be less intense, come less often and not last as long. Hopefully, these lows will continue to become less intense with time. But there is no timetable for grief. How Does Grief Affect Children in School? Children may be affected in many of the same ways as adults. They may feel anxious and insecure. They may act out, showing flashes of anger. They may show regressive behaviors. They may seek attention or seem withdrawn. They may have physical complaints, constantly feeling unwell. Their performance in school may decline and they me have difficulty concentrating, becoming easily distracted. What Can People Do To Help? 1. Listen. Many grieving individuals simply need a safe place to explore their many reactions to a loss. You need not try to make people feel better. Nothing one can say can remove grief. Ask the person how they are and listen as they share their grief and problems. 2. If you can, share memories of the person who died. Sharing one's own stories and memories can assist persons who are grieving as they struggle to understand the life and the death of the loved one. 3. Offer tangible support. There are many ways one can help show one cares, including participation in rituals and contributions to memorials. It is more helpful to be specific in your help - offering , for example, to assist grieving parents with child care or a meal rather than simply saying, "Call me," or "Can I help?" Bereaved persons may be reluctant to seek help or even be too confused and disoriented to asses what they need.

Living with Grief: by Joyce D. Davidson and Kenneth J Doka. 1999 Hospice Foundation of AmericaTo order by phone call toll free 1-800-821-8312

Helping Teens Cope Supporting Grieving Teens Talking with Teens about Death Listening to Teens and Resources Teens and Grief

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Contact your child's school counselor.
Herrick Middle School	O'Neill Middle School
Julie Quinlan, 8th Grade	Pam Burkle, 8th Grade
Steve Gross, 7th Grade	Barry Kincaid 7th Grade

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